august 8 2011

i hate life.

i just can't take anymore. i know i say that all the time but this time i am not kidding. i am done. so here i write my suicide note :


i never knew why people hated me until these last couple of years. my look the music i listen to. i didn't think it mattered but i guess it does to preps. i was always alone and i still am, just because im emo and listen to screamo and stuff dosen't mean im different but i guess i was.

living with my dad is a nightmare. this is the main reason im going. the fights for no reason the yelling for nothing the bruses. im done. thats why i cut. is because im lonely worthless filthy unseen. i just wish it would be better but that never happened.

now before i end this i wish that my sister cloey will countine my blogging. with her life stories and her dreams.

im sorry for leaving you guys like this but i just got to go. but remember NEVER GIVE IN <3

goodbye......

august 2 2011

another day of nothing. just fight after fight. over nothing really. i just ont know why we do this all the time. im the "invisable one" unless i wanted. grr why why why!!!!!!!!!!!

it would of bein a good day but no it had to be a horiable one. sometimes i feel like i should just go and see what happens. but i couldn't cause im not even alowed out of the house unless we are all going somewhere or if i have to go check mail. i wonder why.

july 3 2011

*sighes* i just dont know how much more i can take. sometimes i wish i would die all of a sudden and no one will know why and i would be "happier" >=) i think not. nothing can make me happy at this time.

i  will sit and write poems and songs but i repeat nothing will make me happy. its just life has no meaning anymore. :( i dont know what to do. so i shall think about this.

may 23 2011

i looked into your eyes.. i saw the anger that filled them....


life is getting worse and worse :( it is so disaponting. so ill cut once again and you cant stop me. try if u dare but it wont work.

i look into the mirrior and see nothing. i dont see my reflection or anything. so blah.

april 15 2011

life sucks.

i had the most horiable day ever. nothing to it really.

wake up get in fight with mom go to school get called names had to talk to a concerler went home fight with mom went to my room and cryed.

grr. why couldnt life be more better to me then what it is right now. i just dont understand why.

febuary 27 2011

life sucks. its nothing but hurt and dissapoment. it nevers seems to want to go ur way. u just feel like ur in a little dark space with no room to breath and nothing can save u.

u take the razor and cut as deep as u can. while the blood drips u think of the one u love who just crashed and burned you. the one who had ur hopes up then just made then dissapier. the one who left u there to cry and who left u in pain. just keep utting deeper.

a story ending

The painter stared and wonder what happened. He didn’t know. He was thinking maybe the shadow got her or he killed her. But how did he? He was walking around the rooms thinking and wondering what he did. The painter looked at the painting and smiled. He thought of his wife. Darkness started to creep around the conor sweeping up his wifes body. The painter ran and ran after it but by the time he got outside it was gone. He fell to the ground crying and sobbing. His tears ran across the craked walk way and fell into the dead garden. The moon reflecting off his tears he looked up and saw the blacken cloud covring the light. He finally got up and started to walk back to the mansion. He went to his painting room and started to paint the darkness and how it swept up his wife. He painted and painted and after a month he was finally done. It looked so real that the painter decided to sell it. He went to the market to find a place to put his life like painting. When the one mysteries man saw the painting he bought it for 10000$. The painter was surprised. It was a full moon when the painter saw a image of his wife. He teared up and ran to it but by the time he was there it was gone. He was so angry and upset that he just wanted to die. He surched everywhere for a nice sharp and strong knife. He couldn’t find one. Finally he saw the perfect one just waiting there for him. He took it to the highest part of the mansion and sat were his wife died. He took his shirt off and made a deep but bloody slit in his chest. The blood dripped through out the room. Everywhere you walked there was puddles of blood. The painter sat there while blood covered him with the color of scarlet. He took the knife again and slit his wrist. The cut was so deep and so tender he smiled as it bleed. The knife was red and dripping. The floor was covered in the scarlet looking color. He looked around and saw the sun riseing so bright. He looked at the knife again and took it and cut so deep into his leg that he only had mintues to live. He was so week and he fell to the ground. A pool of blood around him. He had enough strength to make on more cut. He picked up the knife and slit his chest were his heart was. After 2 mintues he died right there with the knife in his hand. He died in a wonderful way. He died of thinking of his wife. He died with millons of paintings around him. He died with the painting of his wife just looking at him and life like picture and blood dripped from the eyes. The painting was crying blood for his husband.

febuary 3 2011

Through sadness you have taught us to be one with the crowd
Unveil the sacred order, hymns of falling down
You told the greatest stories, of love and bleeding crowns
But to the sick and hungry, you cannot be found

We are young and we are strong
Through strength in self we become
Something more than they can be
I raise my heart and sing!

That I wont believe this lie
I know there's something more inside
When darkness is all you see
This is our Sweet Blasphemy

Silence the crooked holy, unchain the tied and bound
No time for allegory, one true reigning sound
Unite the lonely mourning, a simple servant now
We are the only glory, hear us screaming loud

We are young and we are strong
I raise my heart and sing!

That I wont believe this lie
I know there's something more inside
When darkness is all you see
This is our Sweet Blasphemy

We are young and we are strong
Through strength in self we become
Something more than they can be
This is our Sweet Blasphemy

That I wont believe this lie
I know there's something more inside
When darkness is all you see
This is our Sweet Blasphemy

febuary 2 2011

its never going to stop. this crying just want. i am just to hurt and too upset to make it stop. ive lost my friends cause of who i am ive lost all respect. i just cant take it anymore. i just want to rip my heart out and just die there. 

pics of things #2

febuary 1 2011

urgness. my teacher is going to drive me up the wall. first i couldnt wear the scar and now i cant wear two lines for hockey!!!!!!!!!!!!! i was just getting ready for the hockey game but u know i cant wear it to school. fucking teacher.

i feel so sad :( v-day is soon and i wont even get a date foe the dance cause i never do cause u know "im different".  

"thro sadness u have taught us to be one with the crowd unveil the sacred order hymns of falling down you told the greastest stories of love and bleeding crowns but to the sick and hungry u cannot be found. we r young and we r strong. thro strenth in self we become something more then they can be ill raise my heart and sing that i want believe this lie i know thers something more inside darkness is all you see this is our sweet blasphemy" ~sweet blaspemy by black veil brides

january 31 2011

ANOTHER DAY OF PAIN. NOTHING SEEMS TO GO RIGHT AND NOTHING SEEMS TO BE OKAY. WHY IS IT ALWAYS LIKE THIS? WHY CANT IT BE BETTER OR EVEN AMAZING. I JUST WANT PPLS TO LIKE ME FOR ME AND NOT HURT ME CAUSE IM ME.


BEING SOMEONE LIKE ME OR ANYONE ELES THE SAME IS NOT A CRIME SO WHY DO PPLS TREAT IT LIKE IT IS A CRIME I REALLY MEAN IT. WHY CANT THEY JUST FUCK OFF.

pics

january 28 2011

today was okay i guess. got my hair done then had to talk to a consler about my cuts. ooo fun NOT.

now im listening to some black veil brides <3 there songs mean so much to me. the lyrics mean alot and the way they put the music in with it its just so WOW i juST love them so much

january 27 2011

blah.  just because i do something that chatches on the fucking teacher has to be a bitch and say no more.

school is just a nightmare waiting for you everyday monday to friday just seeing the school sickens me. i just cant see why.

january 26 2011

what a day =( i just cant stand the fact that ppl r asses. just because i dress different or look different dosent mean im different. yea i might be derpressed and ya i only have a few friends but that dosent change a thing.

ppl should just be able to be who they want to be without getting dissed or something. i feel so out of place here.

january 25 2011

life is not treating me well =( everything feels like nothing cause it is nothing. i just dont know what to do about this?? what do i do??

everyday i feel like im dieing and everyday feels like im nothing cause the truth is i am nothing. i just cant believe that this has bein going on for a very long time. i just feels so numb.

emo love

january 21 2011

urg. today is not one of the best days ever. everything seems so garg. i dont know what to do.

these cuts of mine no one sees no one cares and no one wants to. each day theres another mark but i dont care i dont see whats wrong with it. people think its such a bad thing. but the scars i leave mark who i am. the pain is all i know. the pain is my friend. the pain has bein there from the beginning and it will be there till the end.

whatever you say wont hurt me because i have learned to deal with it. no matter what u think it wont hurt. whatever u do i wont say a word. no matter how much you try you will never break me </3

Black Veil Brides All Your Hate