august 8 2011

i hate life.

i just can't take anymore. i know i say that all the time but this time i am not kidding. i am done. so here i write my suicide note :


i never knew why people hated me until these last couple of years. my look the music i listen to. i didn't think it mattered but i guess it does to preps. i was always alone and i still am, just because im emo and listen to screamo and stuff dosen't mean im different but i guess i was.

living with my dad is a nightmare. this is the main reason im going. the fights for no reason the yelling for nothing the bruses. im done. thats why i cut. is because im lonely worthless filthy unseen. i just wish it would be better but that never happened.

now before i end this i wish that my sister cloey will countine my blogging. with her life stories and her dreams.

im sorry for leaving you guys like this but i just got to go. but remember NEVER GIVE IN <3

goodbye......

august 2 2011

another day of nothing. just fight after fight. over nothing really. i just ont know why we do this all the time. im the "invisable one" unless i wanted. grr why why why!!!!!!!!!!!

it would of bein a good day but no it had to be a horiable one. sometimes i feel like i should just go and see what happens. but i couldn't cause im not even alowed out of the house unless we are all going somewhere or if i have to go check mail. i wonder why.

july 3 2011

*sighes* i just dont know how much more i can take. sometimes i wish i would die all of a sudden and no one will know why and i would be "happier" >=) i think not. nothing can make me happy at this time.

i  will sit and write poems and songs but i repeat nothing will make me happy. its just life has no meaning anymore. :( i dont know what to do. so i shall think about this.

may 23 2011

i looked into your eyes.. i saw the anger that filled them....


life is getting worse and worse :( it is so disaponting. so ill cut once again and you cant stop me. try if u dare but it wont work.

i look into the mirrior and see nothing. i dont see my reflection or anything. so blah.

april 15 2011

life sucks.

i had the most horiable day ever. nothing to it really.

wake up get in fight with mom go to school get called names had to talk to a concerler went home fight with mom went to my room and cryed.

grr. why couldnt life be more better to me then what it is right now. i just dont understand why.

febuary 27 2011

life sucks. its nothing but hurt and dissapoment. it nevers seems to want to go ur way. u just feel like ur in a little dark space with no room to breath and nothing can save u.

u take the razor and cut as deep as u can. while the blood drips u think of the one u love who just crashed and burned you. the one who had ur hopes up then just made then dissapier. the one who left u there to cry and who left u in pain. just keep utting deeper.

a story ending

The painter stared and wonder what happened. He didn’t know. He was thinking maybe the shadow got her or he killed her. But how did he? He was walking around the rooms thinking and wondering what he did. The painter looked at the painting and smiled. He thought of his wife. Darkness started to creep around the conor sweeping up his wifes body. The painter ran and ran after it but by the time he got outside it was gone. He fell to the ground crying and sobbing. His tears ran across the craked walk way and fell into the dead garden. The moon reflecting off his tears he looked up and saw the blacken cloud covring the light. He finally got up and started to walk back to the mansion. He went to his painting room and started to paint the darkness and how it swept up his wife. He painted and painted and after a month he was finally done. It looked so real that the painter decided to sell it. He went to the market to find a place to put his life like painting. When the one mysteries man saw the painting he bought it for 10000$. The painter was surprised. It was a full moon when the painter saw a image of his wife. He teared up and ran to it but by the time he was there it was gone. He was so angry and upset that he just wanted to die. He surched everywhere for a nice sharp and strong knife. He couldn’t find one. Finally he saw the perfect one just waiting there for him. He took it to the highest part of the mansion and sat were his wife died. He took his shirt off and made a deep but bloody slit in his chest. The blood dripped through out the room. Everywhere you walked there was puddles of blood. The painter sat there while blood covered him with the color of scarlet. He took the knife again and slit his wrist. The cut was so deep and so tender he smiled as it bleed. The knife was red and dripping. The floor was covered in the scarlet looking color. He looked around and saw the sun riseing so bright. He looked at the knife again and took it and cut so deep into his leg that he only had mintues to live. He was so week and he fell to the ground. A pool of blood around him. He had enough strength to make on more cut. He picked up the knife and slit his chest were his heart was. After 2 mintues he died right there with the knife in his hand. He died in a wonderful way. He died of thinking of his wife. He died with millons of paintings around him. He died with the painting of his wife just looking at him and life like picture and blood dripped from the eyes. The painting was crying blood for his husband.